To whom it may concern,

I apologise profusely for my utterly disastrous party at the Royal Queen Halshire Hall last weekend. I know at first it was a roaring success, with the croutons and croissants being excellent starters for our ballroom dinner, but as you all know, things took a rather ugly turn.

When the main courses were being served, the last southern fried Burmese black chicken was assigned to two people: Major Frank Furter, and Lord Hans Bergor. That was when the fight broke out. Drumsticks were hurled, soup was splattered, and people were battering each other with broccoli left and right to get a taste of that exotic barbeque chicken.

Lord Bergor captured the chicken before Furter could make his move, but to both of their surprise, a third competitor entered the fight. Queen Camila Cupcake led her dessert guard into the fray, stabbing whoever got in their way with popsicle spears and launching ice cream grenades into the mobs that surrounded the table on which the precious poultry was placed.

The rattle of gummies being fired from machine guns could be heard as Bergor was knocked from his vantage point, and soon the table was occupied by the candied cavalry. But soon, havoc broke out as a large pineapple was launched overhead and landed square on the Southern Fried Chicken, completely destroying the dish. No one knew who fired the fruit, but I think we can all agree that Major Furter was very hasty in fleeing the scene in the aftermath.

As I have said, and will repeat again, I am extremely sorry for the outcome of what should have been a joyful event and hope to host more events with better outcomes in the future, and hope you will all attend. Yours sincerely, Dr Vegette Table.